New Year

A new year is around the corner. Within a few hours 2015 will be upon us. We have survived another year without our beloved Shahdi. How is that possible?! How many more new years are left in my life? How many more new years reminding me of my painful loss?  How many more new years without my beautiful daughter to make them special? 

All my hopes, dreams, and new year resolutions​ were buried in the white box with Shahdi. Of course I wish for Arman's health and happiness every day. Those hopes are a constant, but the loss of Shahdi has wiped out any hopes and dreams that I had for me, for her, and for the four of us as a family. Without her, our family unit feels incomplete. 

Yesterday I heard about a complete family who perished in the AirAsia flight earlier this week - the parents along with their three children. I was very saddened to hear about the loss of all the passengers and crew aboard that flight, but when I heard about this family, my first thought was that at least they were together till the very end. Hopefully, if there is an afterlife, they will be together. Then, I watched an interview with an elderly Indonesian couple who had lost their daughter, her husband and their two grandchildren. Even though only a day had passed since the accident, the grandmother was able to stay composed. She didn't shed a single tear on camera and spoke of her belief in the afterlife. While watching her, I wondered how she could remain so in control of her emotions. After all, she had not only lost her daughter but three more members of her family as well. Then, I realized that I was envious of her faith. I envied her for her ability to accept this catastrophe as an act of God and believe that her departed loved ones were in a different place, but not finished. I don't share her faith and never will, but I could see how such beliefs were able to alleviate the pain of such enormous loss for this old couple. 

I have a very simple wish for this new year. I hope I don't hear any bad news and all my family and friends have a healthy and happy year. Since 2007, every single year we had to deal with a tragedy and loss in our lives, the most painful one being Shahdi's passing. I hope with all my heart and soul that we are spared this year from all tragedies and heartaches. 

May all my loved ones be merry and in good health this year.