Hell

There is a Persian proverb which states that once the head is underwater, it doesn't matter how far down it is. Thus, if one is already in hell, can something worse happen?  I don’t think so. On the bright side, I am now confident that I can survive any other disaster or hardship that life has in store for me even though it has not been easy to live in this hell of despair and longing while trying to act as normally as possible every single day. 

Sometimes I wish to not live very long in order to escape this hell, but then, I think of Arman, who recently asked me to take good care of myself because he wanted me to be around for a long time. He needs me. Why did life have to get so complicated and painful?  Yes, every day is a challenge:  a challenge to face Shahdi’s empty place in our lives, and a challenge to march forward for the sake of Arman. My poor child, he lost his one and only sister. He feels alone. We are all he has left. Naturally, he doesn't want anything to happen to us. The loss of us, on top of the loss of his beloved sister, would be too much for him to bear.

But, for us, the parents, there is no escaping this hell. We are doomed for eternity unless the cycle of existence does not end with death, and there are other worlds beyond the hell in which we are presently stuck in. I certainly am hopeful that someday I will unite with my beloved Shahdi in another dimension, and I will find her as beautiful and happy as I could ever imagine her to be.