Time is not the ultimate healer as claimed and its abilities
are overrated. Even the passage of time cannot heal the broken heart of a
bereaved parent.
A year has passed since Shahdi’s departure, but not much has
changed for me. The feelings of grief, loss, despair, longing, anger at myself,
and guilt are still with me. On the one hand it feels like an eternity since I
last saw Shahdi on the day she passed away; on the other hand, it feels like it
was just yesterday.
The images of that doomed day have become more prominent in
my mind with the passage of time. Perhaps, at the beginning, I was
subconsciously blocking those images in order to shield myself from going mad
with sadness and rage at my inability to save her, but now, the images are
constantly peeking through my mind, unannounced. Sometimes, when I am alone and overwhelmed by
these images, I can only scream in pain and keep saying: why…why…why?
The questions still remain. I have not yet
found any answers, probably never will. I suppose at some point I simply have
to resign myself to the fact that Shahdi was one unlucky human being, and I,
one unlucky mother for letting such a jewel slip through my fingers.
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