Last night I saw Shahdi in my dream, alive and well. I was so excited to see her while thinking my dream had come true and I had finally woken up from my painful nightmare. I showered her with kisses and hugs, holding on to her while my tears of joy were falling. I could not believe that she was truly there, safe and sound, in my arms. She told me she had not died but just gone away for a while. Even in my dream, I struggled to believe it. I was thinking how it could be possible. I am the one who found her motionless body, I gave her CPR, I saw them taking her away, I saw her in her coffin for the last time before she was buried. How could I have experienced these events if she were alive, standing in front of me?
For a brief few seconds (or minutes) while I was with Shahdi in my dream, I was the happiest mother in the entire world for having found my lost child at last. I was so emotional, so elated with joy that is hard to describe.
Unfortunately, even in my dream, logic took over and reminded me that I was simply dreaming and there was no possibility that Shahdi could be alive. What a cruel realization! The more the denial took hold of my brain, the more Shahdi moved away from my reach until I woke up and realized my reality had not changed and the nightmare still continued.
Such is life!
For a brief few seconds (or minutes) while I was with Shahdi in my dream, I was the happiest mother in the entire world for having found my lost child at last. I was so emotional, so elated with joy that is hard to describe.
Unfortunately, even in my dream, logic took over and reminded me that I was simply dreaming and there was no possibility that Shahdi could be alive. What a cruel realization! The more the denial took hold of my brain, the more Shahdi moved away from my reach until I woke up and realized my reality had not changed and the nightmare still continued.
Such is life!
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