Miss you my love...

Shahdi Joon,

I miss you. Sometimes to the point of madness, such that I just want to rip my heart out of my chest.  I miss you every day, every hour, and every second. My life has no meaning without your presence. Memories can never replace you, and I find it an affront when I hear people say: 'at least you have the memories!’  How can the memories help me fill the gap in my life? How can they fill the need to see you, to see your beautiful perfect smile, and to hear your voice?  

Every morning, when I open my cosmetics drawer (which by the way was left untouched for nine months after your departure), I think of you and the fact that you are not here to share them with me. The same thing happens when I open the drawers to grab leggings or socks, or look in to the jewelry armoire for something to wear. I have way too much of everything now. I had purchased them thinking that you and I were going to share them, but with you gone, I wonder what the use of these material objects is.  They are totally insignificant. They were only significant when I could share them with you - when I could see them on your beautiful body.  They definitely looked a hundred times better on you anyway. 

There is not a day that goes by that I am not brought to tears multiple times, either by some object reminding me of you, or some memory which suddenly invades my mind and soul. You were so full of potential and life. You should have lived my love. It was not your turn to leave yet. I wish you had chosen life over death, light over darkness, happiness over sorrow.

You were the apple of my eye sweetheart. You were my gorgeous daughter. I was so fond and proud of you. I am sorry darling for failing you, for not providing you with the right kind of help. Forgive me. If I ever see you again in another realm, I will first ask for your forgiveness before giving you a tight loving hug and kiss. 

I will love you until my very last breath Shahdi joonam, dokhtare golam.  RIP my love.