When I look at your daughter...

When I look at your daughter...

I am not really seeing her...

    but my own daughter at that age,

When I see your interactions with your daughter,

    I recall my own interactions with my daughter when she was your daughter's age,

Reminding me…

I too was once (still am) the proud mother of a beautiful girl,

I too kissed and hugged my cute little girl at every opportunity as she was growing up,

I too worried about her safety, state of mind, health, feelings, friends, diet, etc.

I too bought cute outfits, books, barrettes, ​​beauty products, shoes, and surprise gifts for her,

I too fixed her hair and makeup before the dance recitals and school events,

I too read her stories at night and tucked her in bed with multiple hugs and kisses,

I too enjoyed her love when she would wrap her arms around my neck for one more kiss,

I too sat by her bed and held her hand until she would fall asleep,

I too told her bed-time stories from my childhood whenever she asked me to,

I too worried about her when she started driving solo,

I too stayed up late at night waiting for her to return home from her outings with friends,

I too was once a mother envisioning a bright future for my brilliant daughter,

I too was once a lucky mother for having two smart healthy children who made us super proud at every one of their parent-teacher conferences,

I too was once a happy woman thankful for having a good job, a nice home, husband, family, and above all, for sharing my life with two intelligent and talented young souls,

I too tried not to think often of the time when my children would leave us for college,

I too tried to concentrate on the present moment and to enjoy them while I had them…near me…within my  reach…in our home,

I too wished for that bliss to last forever,

Hence, seeing your children helps me relive my memories with my own children. Seeing your daughter reminds me of my Shahdi, how she used to look at different stages of her short life, and how she might have looked in the future. All I have now are the memories - memories which will be re-run thousands of times in my head until the day I take my last breath.  Shahdi will be the only protagonist in these reruns who will never age and will stay young and beautiful forever. Every time I see a young daughter, one of these reruns automatically starts in my head - I do not even need to push the Start button!  Your daughter's image is a representation of how our dearest ​Shahdi used to be when she was among us in the mortal world; when she lived and breathed.

When I see your daughter, it reminds me of the priceless jewel that we had but lost due to negligence. Hopefully, someday I will get over this feeling and I will be able to look at your daughter without trying to find traces of Shahdi in her, but until then, please tolerate and ignore my impertinence. If I get teary-eyed while looking at your daughter, it is not because there is anything the matter with your child, but that I miss my own daughter so much that I cannot help the tears that fill my eyes. It is extremely difficult to deal with the loss of a child, particularly with an exceptionally beautiful, intelligent, kind and talented one like Shahdi.

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