European Churches

Many of Europe’s most valuable and appreciated works of art in painting, sculpture and architecture are preserved in its numerous beautiful churches. I had visited several of these churches in my previous trips to Europe, but in my most recent trip, I sought them out like never before. As many of you know, I am not a religious person but my interest in churches had shifted quite a bit in the last year since Shahdi’s passing.

Part of the reason might be related to the closeness I feel to death since my daughter passed away. As I had written in one of my earlier pieces, death is now my friend and I am no longer afraid of it. How could I be afraid of it when my daughter was not afraid of it and put her trust in it? Shahdi’s death liberated me from the fear of death.

When one enters many of these old churches in Europe, one finds death in every corner, in the form of mausoleums and tombs built in memory of certain departed souls. Maybe before Shahdi’s passing, I would have experienced an eerie feeling walking past them, but not now. In fact, I found such places soothing and calming, as if I were a little bit closer to Shahdi. I lit a candle or two in Shahdi’s memory at every church we visited. It is something I had never done in the past but this time around, it felt right. It was as if I could feel a kinship to all the departed souls who were buried in those churches. As if I had a connection to them through Shahdi. It is hard to describe my feeling but I have noticed that in the past year, I sometimes feel closer to Shahdi when I am surrounded by the manifestation of death rather than when I am amongst the living. It is a strange feeling but I am at peace with it.

When we visited the Catacombs of St. Callixtus in Rome, I felt a strong connection to the place. This Catacomb outside the walls of old Rome was used as a burial place for early Christians as well as pagans. Burials were forbidden inside the walls of Rome as early as the fifth century BC. Thus, miles of tunnels were cut into the tufa to be used as burial chambers. Father Owen, who gave us a private tour, stated that there were half a million people, young and old, buried there. Imagine being way underground in a giant maze of tombs! While listening to his speech, I was imagining Shahdi being in one of those tombs. I could picture the people who were resting there for eternity, just like my daughter was resting at Lincoln Memorial Park. Maybe a year ago I would have felt uncomfortable visiting that place but not now because my perspective on life and death had changed.

Of course, life is precious and worth living but death is inevitable and like a shadow which follows life in every step and eventually catches up with it. Such is life..