It is a very gloomy day in Omaha, rainy with a totally gray overcast sky and cool weather. However, nature's dreariness today sort of fits my mood. When I see the rain, I cannot help but think of Shahdi in her white coffin. All through winter, I knew that she most likely was preserved as I bid farewell to her before her coffin's lid was lowered down and closed for the last time, due to the freezing temperature and lack of moisture. However, ever since the April showers started and the weather started warming up, I have not been able to stop thinking of how she looks now. Is her coffin flooded? Is she soaked in water and mud? How does her beautiful face look now? Decomposing? Looking like zombies, who she portrayed several years at Lincoln's Zombie Walk? What is happening to my gorgeous daughter?
I am well aware that it is not healthy for me to think of these dreadful images but I simply can't help it. I just wish we could have preserved Shahdi in a glass coffin like the Sleeping Beauty or Lenin. What a pity that such a perfect specimen of human beauty and charm should decompose into pieces and eventually into ashes.
I wish I somehow could have prevented this. I wish I could have held my child in my arms forever. I never wished her to leave this world alone without her mother's protection. I would have liked to accompany her. She was my child, my flesh and blood, the product of love, the symbol of love and beauty. It is not just that I am here but she is not. It is unfair beyond the vastness of universe.
I just wish I could preserve her body as she was sleeping in her white coffin, like the dark-haired princess in Disney's Sleeping Beauty with her dark eyes, fair skin and red lips. On this dreary day, what else can I say but that I miss you my darling Shahdi with every fiber of my being. Forgive me my darling for not having been a good mother and for failing to protect you. Please forgive me sweetheart. I miss you my love, every minute of every day.
I am well aware that it is not healthy for me to think of these dreadful images but I simply can't help it. I just wish we could have preserved Shahdi in a glass coffin like the Sleeping Beauty or Lenin. What a pity that such a perfect specimen of human beauty and charm should decompose into pieces and eventually into ashes.
I wish I somehow could have prevented this. I wish I could have held my child in my arms forever. I never wished her to leave this world alone without her mother's protection. I would have liked to accompany her. She was my child, my flesh and blood, the product of love, the symbol of love and beauty. It is not just that I am here but she is not. It is unfair beyond the vastness of universe.
I just wish I could preserve her body as she was sleeping in her white coffin, like the dark-haired princess in Disney's Sleeping Beauty with her dark eyes, fair skin and red lips. On this dreary day, what else can I say but that I miss you my darling Shahdi with every fiber of my being. Forgive me my darling for not having been a good mother and for failing to protect you. Please forgive me sweetheart. I miss you my love, every minute of every day.
No comments:
Post a Comment