Mental Illness, Misunderstood

Shahdi left us long before her time was up, but through her, we have met (and continue to meet) many wonderful people with compassionate hearts, made many new and rekindled many old friendships. Through the tragedy of losing her to suicide, we automatically gained the confidence of many people who confided in us and shared their personal stories in dealing with suicide, depression, anxiety and other types of mental disorders.  I would like to thank all those who have shared their experiences with us in order to make us feel like we were not alone. They understood our pain as we now understand theirs.  We had no idea how prevalent mental illness is in society and how misunderstood it is as well! We barely understood it ourselves. I personally have gained a clearer understanding of depression and anxiety after having spoken, in the last eight months, to those who are suffering from these disorders. I now have a much better understanding of Shahdi's state of mind shortly before her passing.  I truly appreciate all of your kind commentaries and visits since our beloved daughter's death. 

I have done my best to be open and honest in my posts on Shahdi's Memorial Page, hoping to remind the readers with every post that the death of a child is a devastating experience. I also have not attempted to hide the cause of Shahdi's death and even wrote a post on suicide a few months ago.  I have tried to break the taboo associated with mental illness by talking about Shahdi, who she was, what she was interested in, how she grew up, and how she was loved and adored by her family and friends.  No-one would have ever guessed that she would end up suffering from mental illness, specifically depression and anxiety, in her adolescence.  We had not anticipated that to be a part of her life trajectory. But, life taught us the hard lesson that no-one is immune from illnesses, whether physical or mental.  It could happen to any of us at any time.  

An incident happened yesterday which made me realize why mental illness is not discussed in society as openly as it should.  I believe the main reason is because mental illness is still misunderstood by a lot of people. Unfortunately, many people associate it with being 'crazy', 'dangerous', 'violent', etc.  And, worst yet, there are some mean-spirited, heartless, and cruel people on this planet who would use it as a weapon to put others down and settle a score with them.  It is indeed unfortunate that such people exist but that is the reality of life.  By not openly talking about mental illness, the sufferers  would try to shield themselves from negative attitudes and being misjudged.  When one is suffering from a mental disorder, it must be hard to fight battles on two or more fronts, one with the illness itself, one with the unkind souls who try to take advantage of one's vulnerability.  I believe the more we talk about mental disorders, the more we will have a better collective understanding of the human brain and how it can be affected by disease, just like any other part of the body.

If someone's child dies from cancer or in an accident, would the parents be blamed for the child's death?  Would anybody in his/her right mind accuse the parents of having failed to provide the best medical treatment for their child? I seriously doubt that. However, an ignorant person tried to break my spirit yesterday by telling me that had I been a better mother, my daughter would not have killed herself!  Not that this thought had not occurred to me before, in fact, I have written about it extensively. But, this person's use of Shahdi to settle a score with me was totally unacceptable and out of line.  Now, I understand why many choose to hide their struggles with mental illness, because there are people who would try to use the mental illness as a weakness, and would use it as a weapon to inflict pain when they think one is most vulnerable.  Such people must be shunned.  I believe one of the ways to silence such uneducated and benighted people is to bring the discussion of mental illness to the forefront, to share our experiences and struggles with mental illness, to talk about it and discuss how it affects us all in different ways.  All who are reading this post have been affected by depression and anxiety through Shahdi's struggles with them. In a way, our beautiful Shahdi is raising awareness on mental illness for all who loved her, her family, and her friends. I will continue to do my part in keeping the dialog on mental illness open, I hope others will do the same as well.

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