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Sunday, January 3, 2016

Tears are not a sign of weakness..

Why is it quite acceptable, and even expected, to cry of joy when a child is born, but tears of sadness for a deceased child are not tolerated long after the funeral? Why is it alright for parents to display tears of joy at every happy event related to their child but are frowned upon or pitied when they become tearful at remembrances of their deceased child? Why the double standard?

Tears set us apart from other creatures on this planet because generally they provide a window into our souls. Tears are the body’s mechanism in dealing with many raw emotions which cannot be as easily expressed by speech or actions.  Tears are the raw extract of one’s soul at rare times when the weight of emotions becomes insurmountable to bear. At such times, the only outlet available to humans in handling their emotions is through tears.  Tears are not a sign of weakness but a sign of the beauty of the human soul which spills out occasionally in the form of beautiful droplets of translucent liquid. Tears are magical and ought to be appreciated, not pitied or forbidden.

I believe tears are just misunderstood. It seems when tears are shed to convey happiness, elation, excitement or other happy emotions, they are acceptable and welcome; however, if they are caused by sadness, grief, frustration, anger, or pain, they are unacceptable and a sign of weakness. In my opinion, tears are one of the ways our human body deals with sudden emotional fluctuations and extreme emotions, whether positive or negative. In both cases tears perform a very vital and soothing function in releasing the excess emotions felt by our soul through our brain.

If you see tears in my eyes, please refrain from telling me to stop crying. If I am teary-eyed, there must be a good reason behind it. I don’t find tears to be a sign of weakness, but a sign of being human, of having feelings, of being able to experience a range of emotions which can touch my soul. These emotions can be sadness, extreme joy, deep laughter, compassion, sympathy, rage, fear, frustration, embarrassment, love, kindness, being affected by beautiful art or music, etc.

My immediate reaction when seeing someone in tears is not to instruct them to stop crying but to ask them about the reason for their crying. That would be the only way my soul will have the opportunity to connect with theirs if I wish to help them in any way. Tears are like bridges that connect our souls together and make us understand one another’s happiness or sadness, joy or pain, suffering or anger.

What a shame that I can no longer let my soul weep tears of sorrow for the loss of my treasured daughter in front of others including individuals in my immediate social circle. What a shame that others can no longer grant me the liberty to shed tears when my heart is heavy with grief, no matter where I am.  If I don’t reign in my sorrow in front of others, I open myself up to criticism and judgmental statements about how I have failed to deal with my loss in order to move forward in life. Therefore, in order to avoid being assessed in such a way by others, I have become very good at controlling my emotions and keeping my tears at bay when not alone.

My most devoted and understanding companion in the last two years who has silently and patiently tolerated my countless emotional breakdowns and sobs and cries, has been my little Scion who has provided me with hours of therapy on my long commute to/from work. Maybe if my Scion could talk back, it would have scolded me too but for now, I enjoy its silent companionship.


In short, tears are precious, and if tears could bring Shahdi back, she would have returned long ago..



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