Sometimes in life we are forced into situations which we wish we could avoid, for instance, if one is an introvert by nature but has to attend many social events due to one's job or family obligations, or if one is shy and not very articulate, but is expected to deliver an important speech in front of a big crowd, etc.
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Saturday, August 30, 2014
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Rain
Rain is generally considered a blessing
by most people on this planet whether there is a water shortage or not. I am no
exception. I used to love the summer rain because that meant I did not have to
water my outdoor flower beds, our grass would look even greener than normal,
and my car would get a free rinse. The only time I did not appreciate the rain
was in the winter when there was the possibility of it turning the roads into
an ice rink and causing fatal accidents.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Nine Months
My Darling Shahdi,
It has been thirty nine long weeks since you hastily decided to leave us. It has been thirty nine weeks since I started shedding tears every single day over your unexpected and heartbreaking exit from our mortal world, and have not yet stopped. Traveling back in time to 1993, I clearly remember the thirty nine wonderful weeks you spent in my womb, being my inseparable companion, growing bigger week after week, sharing my every breath, hearing my heartbeat every second, getting used to my voice, and making me super joyful with your presence.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Our Organized Shahdi
Recently, I was in search of a new backpack for an upcoming trip and before venturing out to the stores, I looked for an abandoned one around the house. While looking, I found one of Shahdi's old backpacks in our room, and at first glance, it looked almost new and perfect for my needs. The backpack incorporated both black and sky blue in its color scheme and was a remnant from Shahdi's middle-school days. I got very excited finding it and thought it would be the closest to having Shahdi with me on this trip. Unfortunately, at closer inspection, I noticed that one of the straps had lost its buckle and was not as easily adjustable. Thus, I ended up purchasing a new black one, similar to Shahdi's last backpack; the one she had embellished with a big shiny red bow on its front pocket which had been her constant companion wherever she went in the last three years of her life. Her backpack was laid next to her feet in her coffin, containing her makeup bag, hair brush and her other small personal belongings. We did not want to separate her from her favorite companion. I wish Shahdi were alive to make me a pretty bow to put on my new backpack.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
I wish I were a tree..
One beautiful spring day in May, I was sitting upstairs in my office glancing out the window at the two trees in the front yard which were covered with white blossoms. While admiring nature’s beauty, a thought crossed my mind: we humans are not as lucky as trees! We, like trees, not only are under constant threat of natural disasters such as tornadoes, floods, hurricanes, bacteria, and other diseases, but we are also under the threat of emotional distress, mental illness, depression, pain, sorrow, anxiety, etc.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
We celebrated Arman's
birthday over the weekend in Kansas City (KC). It was Arman's first trip there
as an adult. We had visited KC many times over the years as the kids were
growing up for visiting the amusement and water parks. We also took Shahdi
alone to KC a couple of times before the start of the school because she was
interested in shopping for school clothes at the Plaza. I believe the last time
we did that was when Shahdi was about to start 9th grade. A few of her favorite
Plaza stores were Guess, Bebe, Anthropologie, and Free People.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Mental Illness, Misunderstood
Shahdi left us long before her time was
up, but through her, we have met (and continue to meet) many wonderful people
with compassionate hearts, made many new and rekindled many old friendships.
Through the tragedy of losing her to suicide, we automatically gained the
confidence of many people who confided in us and shared their personal stories
in dealing with suicide, depression, anxiety and other types of mental
disorders. I would like to thank all
those who have shared their experiences with us in order to make us feel like
we were not alone. They understood our pain as we now understand theirs. We had no idea how prevalent mental illness
is in society and how misunderstood it is as well! We barely understood it ourselves.
I personally have gained a clearer understanding of depression and anxiety
after having spoken, in the last eight months, to those who are suffering from
these disorders. I now have a much better understanding of Shahdi's state of
mind shortly before her passing. I truly
appreciate all of your kind commentaries and visits since our beloved
daughter's death.
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