Total Eclipse

We had out-of-state guests this weekend and since neither Mehrdad nor our guests were that talkative, the responsibility of being an engaging hostess fell on my shoulders. Thus, I had to make a good effort to entertain our guests and make the ambiance more comfortable and friendly. I tried hard to be entertaining by sharing funny stories of our trips, recent news, etc. Had someone not known about my grief, they would have thought I was the most happy-go-lucky person around! How far I had successfully stretched my exterior façade from my reality!  As the sociologists state, we all engage in different phases of acting during our social interactions in a typical day. After over five decades of practice, my acting skills have become quite polished and convincing. I kept the ruse going until my sister-in-law picked up the scrapbook where I had collected Shahdi’s writings, drawings and other awards. Putting myself in her shoes and thinking of what she would be looking at right then across the room from me, suddenly totally destroyed my carefully constructed façade. In less than a minute, my grief took center stage and I had to take refuge in the kitchen to hide the uncontrollable tears which were flowing down my cheeks. The old Persian saying is that death is only a heartbeat away. I can also attest that grief is also only a breath away. No matter how hard one tries to keep it hidden, it sometimes shows its sad face by the most harmless and unintended provocation. The transformation of my mood happened much faster than the total eclipse which we had observed earlier this afternoon. My earlier sunny disposition was instantly covered by my dark grief and it still has not recovered from the darkness. Such is the story of long-lasting grief...