General Toby

Toby Makinejad-Negahban

March 1, 2003 – August 2, 2018

My Beloved Toby,

In my imagination, I now see you in the loving arms of your sister, Shahdi, who fell in love with your puppy cuteness and big ears when she was nine years old. I remember vividly that glorious Sunday afternoon when she called me from Pet Doctor to ask me to come and meet you. I obliged and soon after, we walked out with the kindest, gentlest, most loyal and loving member of our family.

In my imagination, you are walking freely in a green park full of fragrant flowers with Shahdi by your side, breathing in clean air and filling your lungs with the aroma of roses and freshly–cut grass while you are being caressed and loved by her. You are fed as much milk, kabob, and dental chews as your heart desires without worrying about getting sick and making your parents upset by having to clean up after you!

In my imagination, I see you sitting behind the glass storm door, monitoring the activity in our street, barking and threatening any dog or human who happens to walk on the sidewalk in front of our house.  The closer anyone got to our front door, the louder you barked!  You regularly and religiously served as the ‘Swiss Guard’ at our house. Whenever your dad was home before I was, pulling into the driveway, your handsome sweet face was the first one who greeted me, then you would run to the mudroom’s door to welcome me back. Even until the end, you never failed your greeting duties as a loyal and loving dog.

In my imagination, I see you looking through your treasure chest of toys, selecting one and then playing with it on your own. Tossing the toy up in the air and trying to catch it with your mouth.  Unfortunately, you gave up this habit after we got Sam and instead you started chasing after him and the toys that he had in his mouth!  You first saw him as a rival but soon you warmed up to him and would always be close to him.  Of course, your little brother adored you and missed you terribly whenever you were not home, including this week when you were at the hospital every other day. He still misses you and knows that something is wrong that you have not yet returned home and he has to go out alone with mom. The first day that you were at the hospital, Sam frantically searched every room and closet looking for you. When he didn’t find you, he stood in the stairway and started whining, trying to communicate his distress over your absence with me.  Poor Sam, he lost a good big brother today.

In my imagination, I see you howling after Shahdi or my mom whenever they walked away without you.  I remember how you thought you were one of the kids whenever Shahdi or Arman had their friends over. You were so cute and well-behaved that everybody who got to know you, loved you. That is the reason I used to tell you: “Everybody loves Toby!”

In my imagination, I see your friendly face when we had company. Remember when you would make us blush with your impromptu performance with your elephant whenever we had a big party? Particularly, at my belly-dancing parties!!

In my imagination, I see you out in the snow, walking backwards to encourage me to throw some snow in the air with my foot so you could jump up and catch it in your mouth, or how you loved it when I threw snow balls at you and you would try to catch them.  You simply loved winter, as did Shahdi –maybe because you were both born in winter.

In my imagination, I see your protective spirit in trying to defend me against other humans or animals. I remember how you always knew where I was even when we had a lot of people at the house. It was like you were my guardian angel. Sometimes, I would go upstairs to get something in the middle of a party, turn around and find you looking at me, making sure I was not harmed by any of the guests!

Toby, you were a ‘gentleman’ of dogs, always polite, well-mannered, and kind. Do you recall how many people’s attitudes towards dogs were changed in a positive way because of you? Too many to count!  If there was a Noble prize for dogs, you undoubtedly would have earned it.

Toby, the true owner of our house, the one who had spent the most number of hours at our home was you.  Your fellow human cohabitants used to leave every day in pursuit of different activities but you, and years later, Sam, were the only ones who had no freedom to leave the house on your own without human supervision. Every single day you watched us say goodbye to you in the morning and every single time, on our return, you were standing enthusiastically on the step in the mudroom to welcome us back. Sometimes, your cheerfulness and excitement at our homecoming were the best remedy for the difficult days we had experienced in the outside world. Your unconditional love could instantly elevate our spirit and brighten our mood.

Toby, in reality, you were like a General, and we, your soldiers, executing your orders. You may ask why! Well, we woke up in the mornings at whatever time you decided to go out on your morning walk. If we failed to get up at your first attempt to awaken us, you would raise your voice and bark harder to get through our sleepiness. During the day, whenever you felt like you needed some fresh air, all you had to do was to either nudge us with the tip of your nose, or to sit quietly right in front of us and dare us to ignore your penetrating stare! As good soldiers, we always cleaned up the messes you left on people’s lawns. We had to provide you with means of entertainment and tasty snacks on a daily basis. Like a punctual General, every evening at seven, your dental chews had to be delivered to you or you would voice your displeasure with your subordinates!  But, Toby, you were the best General in the world because even though you were demanding but you gave a lot back in return and treated your soldiers with plenty of love and attention.  General Toby – you were the best!  I am so glad I was in your service.

Toby, not many people know our names in our neighborhood but everybody knew yours.  We were known as Toby’s parents. People used to comment that you looked like Toto from the Wizards of Oz movie. I would say, you were much more handsome and classy than Toto!

We developed an open-door bathroom policy at our house because of you! You needed to make sure nothing would happen to us behind the closed bathroom doors, therefore, we started to leave the doors open so you could see us and verify our safety!  Your presence reassured us that someone was looking out for us.

My dearest Toby, you were like a son to me. I never viewed you as simply a dog. I saw you as a loving, loyal, funny, patient, obedient, and forgiving creature who loved us unconditionally.  You weighed only 15 pounds but I am sure your heart alone would have weighed a ton because of the amount of unconditional love stored there for me, dad, Arman, Shahdi, and everyone else. You were devoted to us and I thank you for your unwavering love and trust in us.

Dearest Toby, I feel honored to have had the privilege of being your human mother for the past 15.5 years. You were a joy to have and care for.  I am glad you did not suffer for too long and you were going strong until the last few days. In a way you spared your mom from making a life or death decision for you by not responding to today’s medical treatment and leaving me with only one option.

I am grateful I was able to spend some time with you this morning to tell you how much I loved you and would miss you – something that was denied me when your sister passed away. I was able to hold and caress you when you took your last breath, telling you how you were cherished by your family.

Toby, you were our last living connection to Shahdi because you were the last living being who had seen her alive. I am sorry that I did not speak your language to hear your tale from that tragic day. You were Shahdi’s chosen dog, and you now have returned to her, after four and a half years.

We all miss you my good boy. Tonight, when I go to bed, I will miss your presence by my feet. Who will warm my side of the bed before I slip under covers?

You were an important part of our family, and are greatly missed. We now have lost two of our children, and our home is even emptier than before. Who is going to fight with Sam over toys? Who is going to ask for an extra dental chew every evening?

Rest in peace my sweet boy.

Mommy loves you my loyal, devoted son.

Love,

Mom