Tonight we celebrated Nowruz at the exact same location where we had celebrated Nowruz for over ten years while our kids were growing up. I had not been to that ballroom in several years and nothing felt the same. I knew everything about the place, how the escalators led down to the big hall in front of the ballroom where Arman, Shahdi and their childhood friends had spent most of the evenings running around and playing while my friends and I were dancing on the dance floor to Persian music.
I was there tonight for several hours but half the time I really was not there. I was physically there but my mind was busy going back and forth in time. Almost everything appeared familiar but I felt like a stranger. There was a big crowd but I felt alone. I was surrounded by the sounds of music, chatter, and laughter but I felt miles away on the island of nostalgia, trying to remember my kids at the previous Nowruz parties in that place. I remembered the last time my children attended a Nowruz party there when Shahdi was thirteen and Arman was a senior in high-school. It was the first time Shahdi wore a pair of high heels with her outfit. She wore a black chiffon dress with a pair of beaded ivory high heel dress sandals. She looked so tall and beautiful and I got so many compliments that night on her beauty. She had some make up on and had straightened her hair. She simply looked stunning. I remember how proud I was of her. We danced to several songs together and she danced so beautifully to Persian music with all the right moves and gestures. I was in awe of her all night long.
Tonight, many faces reminded me of her. Not because they looked like her, but because they were either her classmates or her old friends. The little boy who had upset the 5-year-old Shahdi at the Nowruz party in 1998 by stalking her, was there tonight, all grown up and handsome. I wonder if he would have still chased after her if Shahdi had been there tonight. There were a couple of dance numbers in the program tonight. As I was watching the dancers, I pictured Shahdi on the stage and how she would have outshone all of them with her beauty, grace, and flawless dancing. Alas, she was not there to prove me right.
As I sat there observing the activity on the dance floor, my mood got darker because I realized how much I truly missed my daughter. I was by the same dance floor where Shahdi had sat, run, walked and danced on in the past. Many times, she had stood in line to receive her gift from Amu Nowruz. But, where was she tonight?
Nothing is the same without her, including Nowruz, which is supposed to be a new day. However, I wish for the old days since the new days no longer have any charms for me without my beautiful daughter.
I was there tonight for several hours but half the time I really was not there. I was physically there but my mind was busy going back and forth in time. Almost everything appeared familiar but I felt like a stranger. There was a big crowd but I felt alone. I was surrounded by the sounds of music, chatter, and laughter but I felt miles away on the island of nostalgia, trying to remember my kids at the previous Nowruz parties in that place. I remembered the last time my children attended a Nowruz party there when Shahdi was thirteen and Arman was a senior in high-school. It was the first time Shahdi wore a pair of high heels with her outfit. She wore a black chiffon dress with a pair of beaded ivory high heel dress sandals. She looked so tall and beautiful and I got so many compliments that night on her beauty. She had some make up on and had straightened her hair. She simply looked stunning. I remember how proud I was of her. We danced to several songs together and she danced so beautifully to Persian music with all the right moves and gestures. I was in awe of her all night long.
Tonight, many faces reminded me of her. Not because they looked like her, but because they were either her classmates or her old friends. The little boy who had upset the 5-year-old Shahdi at the Nowruz party in 1998 by stalking her, was there tonight, all grown up and handsome. I wonder if he would have still chased after her if Shahdi had been there tonight. There were a couple of dance numbers in the program tonight. As I was watching the dancers, I pictured Shahdi on the stage and how she would have outshone all of them with her beauty, grace, and flawless dancing. Alas, she was not there to prove me right.
As I sat there observing the activity on the dance floor, my mood got darker because I realized how much I truly missed my daughter. I was by the same dance floor where Shahdi had sat, run, walked and danced on in the past. Many times, she had stood in line to receive her gift from Amu Nowruz. But, where was she tonight?
Nothing is the same without her, including Nowruz, which is supposed to be a new day. However, I wish for the old days since the new days no longer have any charms for me without my beautiful daughter.
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