Tonight our guest walked into my home office and found me scanning pictures of infant Shahdi. He looked at me and told me that it was a mistake to live in the past!
To live in the past?!! Are you serious?! My flesh and blood died only 3.5 months ago and already he expects me to forget her and move on with my life!! How easy it is for others to belittle your grief!
For as long as I live, Shahdi will live with me. I think about her and miss her everywhere I am. I will never forget my beautiful child. That would be absurd!
I didn't know how to respond to him. I simply told him that it was not a mistake and he simply didn't understand. I still have not forgotten my pet dog and cat from forty years ago, then he expects me to leave my child behind after 15 weeks and move on with my life?! What life?! My life is altered for the worse and it will never be the same. I now belong to the Unfortunate Mothers' Club for life and can not cancel my membership. I will live whatever is left from my life but it won't be in happiness, as if nothing had happened. I have lost one of my two most valuable treasures and its loss will forever overshadow everything I will do in the future. Only parents who have lost their children will understand my sentiments.
I carried Shahdi in my body for 39 weeks and she lived for almost twenty years after being born. It has been less than 16 weeks since her death, and some people already expect me to lock her memory in a safe place in my mind and heart, and move on. That is impossible! Whoever expects a grieving parent to do that, has absolutely no understanding of the magnitude of our loss. I have realized the only way to respond to such commentary is to ignore them or at best tell the person that they don't understand!
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